Ongezellig
IAZ and soft NAZ
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i checked it and it was writerfail who pointed out so giga to xhim (though he says lel which is like a sin o algo)
Geg he then immediately starts apologizing for taking too long to write his fic
I generally don’t think maya relationship fics make too much sense because she has issues that would prevent her from actually forming a romantic relationship, mainly her self hatred would eat away at the relationship’s foundation because she wouldn’t be able to actually believe someone liked her. I think the more interesting fic would be about maya working on her problems to even get to a point a relationship is feasible, or better yet fics should be about the sibling dynamic at the heart of ongezellig. That being said, I’m sure it was much better than any yuricoal, and the author even said xhe thought pressing a relationship was too soon, which isn’t a thought that would ever cross a writertroon’s mind, so that seems like a mark of sanity.
It was too soon for the story. And Maya's and Stan's characterization was too lacking at the moment for a relationship which made me to on their characters and development, but it was horrible written and so I deleted it.
You should keep writing doe, you’ll get better the more you write, and even iron fics would help offset the mountain of coal and brimstone on ao3. I’m (slowly) writing a backstory fic based on an image from here and a line Massa said in the paypig call.
the quality difference is actually insane considering that both are their first fics
im surprised that writerfail didn't sperg about that
(though maybe he's still writing it GEG)
>>129043
yeah he did
>For a brief moment, she could almost hear Maya saying ‘I love you!’ In that high-pitched giggle as she tackle-hugged her, with the biggest, toothiest grin on her face.
>Coco’s jaw quivered. Her throat swelled as she choked back tears. Her knuckles turned white as she tightly gripped her locket with both hands.
>God, what she’d do to get it back...
some niggermutt on ao3 who wrote an incest fic between maya and mymy, and complaining that normal people are disgusted by that
It’s about 8 year old Maya struggling to adjust to life with her recently adopted sisters, and her relationship with Ravi and Soei.
I’m obsessed too
kek
its actually really funny watching xim leak about being a slow writer and how xhe wishes xhe wasnt such an perfectionist
although "leakage" probably isnt the best way of describing it
We know Coco has violent outbursts when her birth parents are brought up. But I would say she probably tries to keep her temper under control, and limit negative thoughts and feelings in general, which means they are likely to build up over time and makes it worse whenever they do come out.
Adorable is the only word that sounds adorable, does that make sense?
Geg another fic lost due to heckin evil zarty criticism.
<waar space
Massa is so retarded he can't even give the Frenchie a French-sounding name
I mean none of them have surnames aside from Cleo, so maybe if he didn’t burn himself out then Cleo would’ve been important
No fucking way they deleted it?
<waar space HOLY SHIT XE XID GEEEEEEEEEG >Works (2) instead of (3)
He probably had no idea what he was doing and probably hated it anyways, as nobody would delete their work over one comment if they weren’t already on the edge of deleting it
Because we Saar’s were talking about xim (and you look like a competent writer), what are your thoughts on writerfail’s work MISERY?
If anyone wants to ask for the fik, I have it saved as a docx for self-consumption and I have to tell you, it was the worst seven hours of my life because I had to at least do four separate sittings of readings just to slog through it all. The Kiki-Mymy game was cliché expositorial gibberish then for whatever reason she stops the omega Dutch larp (??), Coco destroying the drum kit because she's depressed ofzo
<waar space
Then again Ravi hiding Maya in the attic while watching his wife and two stepchildren break down while he is being a Roman statue about it all is so fucking funny to me
<waar space
Personally I like Free Indirect Discourse. Though I'm not opposed to descriptive writing like what A Search for Maya did, it was just so voluminous and that I was basically inside their skulls and I know what each character was thinking because every emotional state was like stage direction. Spoonfeeding spoons
<waar space
As an aside, you can freely criticise my writing here. The FID in this case is leaning toward Rens
my issue with it is just how fucking LONG it was. it could’ve been a funny bad story but it being so long just made it annoying bad
>>129300
I've read Misery. So far, it's working to evoke a sense of helplessness. I like the idea. The dialogue with the nurse was particularly something I caught on. A sense of realism, a background character who interacts with a protagonist as if they were just two people who are in need of seeing someone and showing that someone respectively
<waar space
However, like that one nophono said, too much telling. I liked the vivid descriptions of Maya's attempt, but the schoolyard was heavily dependent on telling us what Coco was doing, while also not taking advantage of the atmosphere, of a September afternoon in the Netherlands. As Zaryans, we know what the schoolyard looks like, but that context should not be marginal
<waar space
That one authorial intrusion of thr FID/interiority saying Coco felt like shit genuinely made me chuckle
<waar space
Overall, it's working. Clumsily, but it's nothing proofreading can fix. I recommend Writerfail does more compression, especially filtering. Because
>Coco’s phone suddenly buzzed in her bag, “Oh! S-Sorry,” She said as she fumbled with her bag, “Someone’s texting me!”
could be worded better. Writerfail needs to trust the reader. This passage in particular, if I may, would be better if it said less but showed more
<Her phone buzzes. "Oh! S-sorry!" Fumbling for her bag. "Someone's calling me!"
Compression is key. Same information, but with less volume. This is how I write for example because I love close-third present tense to establish immediacy because I spare adverbs for the moments where they really matter
i wonder if the nurse is gonna be important because if not than im surprised that he'd go out of his way to characterize her (which is a good thing, but surprising)
>>129304
Everyone has different styles. Writerfail just needs a bit of a nudge when it comes to more showy writing. I have a very empirical way of writing, which can be seen in what I am about to quote from IW, where I make Vera rant about le stroopwafel:
>“Sorry. I haven’t eaten.”
<Right index finger to the island. “I’ve got snacks. Help yourself.”
>“Lollipops?”
<“I take it you like sweets, Kamerman.”
>“My mom tells me I need to watch my sugar.”
<She goes to the island, grabs a lollipop with the ashtray, and fits one into her mouth, tasting the sweetness, “I have stroopwafels.”
>“I’d love to but not now.”
<“Sounds like the words of a man who would have a more refined palate.” She grabs two from the packet and hands one to him. The other she places on top her coffee.
>“It’s not that, mevrouw.” He takes it, asks for a plate, lays it there. “I just eat anything. I’m craving for a cheeseburger actually.”
<“Cheese.” Pulling her seat back, lollipop exiting her lips. “When most people hear cheese, they think of places. Amerika. Parma and Reggia Emilia. Zwitserland. Gouda.” She spins the lollipop stick. “Syrup waffles are out of the picture for outsiders who hear of Gouda in particular. 1810, 1837, 1840, 1853. Whatever the dates are, Gerard Kamphuisen is the one name constant when you hear of the pastry’s origins.”
^The lollipop makes its way back into her mouth, and so do his eyes, before it comes out again. 4th of July starts.
<“Well, some want to stretch it to 1784. I highly doubt it.”
^He says nothing.
<“This baker from Gouda mixed dough scraps with a syrup of his own making. His recipe was sealed in an unopened envelope by his bakery, though by the Springtime of the Peoples, the recipe was already known. With these peasant uprisings, you’d have people needing to sustain themselves on whatever was at hand, and a syrupwafel borne from scraps had got them a crude nickname because of the people who ate them, armenkoeken—the poor man’s cookie.”
>“Reminds me of ship biscuits.”
<“Precisely. But the wafel, unlike hardtack, managed to make it out of its periphery and became sensational. Whereas the ship biscuit was the sustenance of the naval tradition—it got as far as the trenches we never trudged in, but only just—” Pinching her fingers, “Stroopwafels were truly made for the masses.” Palm wide open.
>“Am I really listening to you talking about the history of a waffle?”
<“Then I’ll stop.”
>His left fist on his lips, his cheeks a slight bright hue. “No, please continue.”
<“The Industrial Revolution happened, that one bakery in Gouda got enough gas to sustain a commercial enterprise, an industrial behemoth of its own kind, and by the Franco-Prussian War was also the first time the wafel made it out of its hometown in meaningful ways. Ninety years after the skirmish, Gouda is now the stroopwafel hub it is today, at that time having seventeen factories dedicated to that pastry alone.”
>“It also happens to make good cheese.”
<The confectionery’s circular shape fits exactly the ashtray. “You already know September 30th.”
>“A day entirely dedicated to stroopwafels, why?” His surveillance on the moist sweetmeat.
<“Twenty-two million packets per annum is truly worth celebrating. But what we Dutchmen can’t resist doing is a sense of reclamation. We do it against the sea, hence the provinces that are entirely polders. And we did it with a pastry whose tradition it was derived from is distinctly continental.”
>“Well, the Belgians do have their waffles.”
<“And the Belgians owe their tradition to the French. The first waffle guild—and do not think of it as something silly, Kamerman—was by the Parisian oubliers in 1270, over half a millennium before Kamphuisen’s first scraps, though one can argue the oublies they made are precursors to waffles than actual waffles. And a comprehensive cookbook Le Ménagier de Paris, dating from 1393, already laid out the backbone of what waffles would become. We tried to be different by using caramel syrup instead of cheese, and putting the wafel over our coffee before the first bite, the heat a part of the process, the waiting itself a ritual.” Cigarette on her right, its turn to making it for her mouth.
^He cannot stop looking as she then devours the entire thing in one sitting.
>“So waffles are continental, but I don’t see the issue here, mevrouw.”
<“The revolutionary aspect of the stroopwafel was that it was a snack made for commoners by a commoner. It has largely achieved that.” She takes a drink. “If it is quintessentially Dutch next to windmills, polders, dikes, tulips, clogs and bicycles, the same can be said for a sack of rice from Soerabaja, or cigarettes from Aruba.” She takes a hit. “And people nowadays only see why things are there but not why they were put there. Not, ‘Why is that there.’ It’s just there, and the objects are unable to not compel them otherwise.”
>“Why do you say that, mevrouw?”
<“People don’t know how to think, but instead they only know how to react to certain stimuli.”
^The kitchen is quiet for a little bit.
>He takes off his glasses. “Well, I think I’m hungry.”
<“Again, help yourself.”
@Zrok why is MISERY better than Death and ReBorn like this man claims? Does writerfail being a Chud have anything to do with it like they also claim?
<Apologies for the tardiness! The work "MISERY" written by the author "writerfail" is perceived to be better than "Death and Reborn" because the author of the former has set himself up to far higher standards due to the unfiltered nature and judgement of the Zarty. On the other hand, your "redditroon" writes at a much lower quality due to being in communities such as Discord and Reddit, whom are notorious for being "faggots" that avoid giving criticism, be it constructive or destructive. To add on, many of these "redditroons" prefer to be "decent human beings" as to fulfill their self-righteous worldview and such.
Thanks Zrok, actual good insight
Since the normgroid community has no proper criticism with each other, and no such accountability and responsibility, they do whatever even if it means bringing their standards down the drain.
<
Meanwhile for chuddies, we're always reaching for the next highest goals and excellence, so even if we make gems, our standards are always climbing up, so we see our gems as coal and want to improve better from it.
<I speak from experience of zoiets
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