Ongezellig
IAZ and soft NAZ
ZWABAG
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>>135937
‘taneous i really like the narrative but i feel like it’s being forced to compete against the prose sometimes. when it gets ornate it feels like it’s trying to accomplish its own ends and not the ends of the narrative, but i’m sure this isn’t news to you. you defended your lack of dialogue markers to writerfail, aware that it adds complexity but you believe that makes it more rewarding. i disagree with the prose-centric philosophy. this isn’t to say i don’t like it, i do, your characterization is great, the dialogue is interesting and authentic, uses subtext well, and mymy’s role as a nearly invisible antagonist is great, but in my opinion the prose can come into conflict with these. this isn’t trying to convince you to change anything i’m just sharing some opinions.
‘taneous i really like the narrative but i feel like it’s being forced to compete against the prose sometimes. when it gets ornate it feels like it’s trying to accomplish its own ends and not the ends of the narrative, but i’m sure this isn’t news to you. you defended your lack of dialogue markers to writerfail, aware that it adds complexity but you believe that makes it more rewarding. i disagree with the prose-centric philosophy. this isn’t to say i don’t like it, i do, your characterization is great, the dialogue is interesting and authentic, uses subtext well, and mymy’s role as a nearly invisible antagonist is great, but in my opinion the prose can come into conflict with these. this isn’t trying to convince you to change anything i’m just sharing some opinions.
>>135950
It's a conversion tool. Docs is good for inputting but not typesetting so LOWriter is what I'm sticking with. After I finish my output there, then can I use pandoc
It's a conversion tool. Docs is good for inputting but not typesetting so LOWriter is what I'm sticking with. After I finish my output there, then can I use pandoc
>>135954
i know what pandoc is, i just suggest you stop overthinking the entire thing, just write it down in markdown, convert to epub, and be finally done with it
i know what pandoc is, i just suggest you stop overthinking the entire thing, just write it down in markdown, convert to epub, and be finally done with it
>>135955
The version on ao3, I’m not aware of another full version.
The version on ao3, I’m not aware of another full version.
>>135958
I see. The 26k-word AO3 version is already a material about the delay of the word of the allegation being uttered. But right now, as my novel breaks 76k words, you're gonna see more people, more things, more worldbuilding. The prose you speak of, that which competes against the narrative, is a stylistic choice of mine, yes, and definitely still exists in my current workload. But put it this way: the prose, in my AO3 version, doesn't have to have momentum, advance the narrative. Instead, see the prose as characterisation. If my AO3 version is already ornate, the full novel will be thrice as much. It's not always meant to tell you where the story is going as much as it is quite often telling you what it is about, who it is about. If you want, my email is up above, and I'll send you a copy of my current manuscript.
I see. The 26k-word AO3 version is already a material about the delay of the word of the allegation being uttered. But right now, as my novel breaks 76k words, you're gonna see more people, more things, more worldbuilding. The prose you speak of, that which competes against the narrative, is a stylistic choice of mine, yes, and definitely still exists in my current workload. But put it this way: the prose, in my AO3 version, doesn't have to have momentum, advance the narrative. Instead, see the prose as characterisation. If my AO3 version is already ornate, the full novel will be thrice as much. It's not always meant to tell you where the story is going as much as it is quite often telling you what it is about, who it is about. If you want, my email is up above, and I'll send you a copy of my current manuscript.
>>135937
thats not what pigeonholing means,you mean to say shoehorn
thats not what pigeonholing means,you mean to say shoehorn
>>135961
yeah it’s just opposite to my view on the purpose of prose. in my eyes the point of a work is the narrative and that should be the focus. the elements should reinforce the narrative and the characters. when my prose works against my narrative i change the prose. i think an author can still write about what it’s about and who it’s about without becoming style heavy. you’re talented i just disagree with the aspect you are choosing to emphasize and making it intentionally obscure. i’ll read it when it comes out and i’m sure it will be high quality but you don’t need to send me anything early because i unfortunately guarantee the only thing i’ll have to say is that the prose should stop competing with narrative clarity.
yeah it’s just opposite to my view on the purpose of prose. in my eyes the point of a work is the narrative and that should be the focus. the elements should reinforce the narrative and the characters. when my prose works against my narrative i change the prose. i think an author can still write about what it’s about and who it’s about without becoming style heavy. you’re talented i just disagree with the aspect you are choosing to emphasize and making it intentionally obscure. i’ll read it when it comes out and i’m sure it will be high quality but you don’t need to send me anything early because i unfortunately guarantee the only thing i’ll have to say is that the prose should stop competing with narrative clarity.
>>135963
To me, a work is not just the narrative. Narratives compel people to feel things about them, in your cas you find my prose obscure, perhaps difficult, perhaps wanting. Transparent prose is amazing! I've read Chekhov's short stories as an example of simple stories that are enhanced thoroughly by their content. It's fine if you disagree with my philosophy, otherwise it wouldn't be my work. Simple stories still work, but I chose a simple plot told in depth instead. Narrative clarity is one thing, and that is your emphasis. It isn't my priority, and, like my book says at one point,
>That which is received is received according to the mode of the reveiver.
It's fine that you disagree. I think that's the point.
To me, a work is not just the narrative. Narratives compel people to feel things about them, in your cas you find my prose obscure, perhaps difficult, perhaps wanting. Transparent prose is amazing! I've read Chekhov's short stories as an example of simple stories that are enhanced thoroughly by their content. It's fine if you disagree with my philosophy, otherwise it wouldn't be my work. Simple stories still work, but I chose a simple plot told in depth instead. Narrative clarity is one thing, and that is your emphasis. It isn't my priority, and, like my book says at one point,
>That which is received is received according to the mode of the reveiver.
It's fine that you disagree. I think that's the point.
>>135937
>writerfail (and maybe pnegpng) are the only AO3 fanfic authors who can actually meet your expectations
I find it funny that writerfail is literally just an amateur with average skill and he’s the best one on that shithole
>writerfail (and maybe pnegpng) are the only AO3 fanfic authors who can actually meet your expectations
I find it funny that writerfail is literally just an amateur with average skill and he’s the best one on that shithole
I give up. Decided to put [and hopefully not have shoehorned] Maya and Coco are in the narrative proper, before the transition to Vera's apartment.
>>136042
so like before Rens arrives or before the first scene or what
either way im pretty interested to see how they're characterized
so like before Rens arrives or before the first scene or what
either way im pretty interested to see how they're characterized
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>>136073
i know this is an au but coco becoming a senior computer engineer with 10 plus years of experience in 6 years is still too much of a tonal whiplash
i know this is an au but coco becoming a senior computer engineer with 10 plus years of experience in 6 years is still too much of a tonal whiplash
>>136182
Coco isn't a magical know it all, it would be better if she did very well in school, but started to have more problems in college, just enough for Maya to notice
Coco isn't a magical know it all, it would be better if she did very well in school, but started to have more problems in college, just enough for Maya to notice
>>136221
thats what i said doe, except the college part but im talking about the attached .txt specifically
from the line
>people say you mentally mature by twenty-five, and she is well into three years closer to it
i read it as coco has 3 years to go until 25, considering shes 16 in canon and 22 here = 6 years, but the phrasing is really confusing so correct me if im wrong
thats what i said doe, except the college part but im talking about the attached .txt specifically
from the line
>people say you mentally mature by twenty-five, and she is well into three years closer to it
i read it as coco has 3 years to go until 25, considering shes 16 in canon and 22 here = 6 years, but the phrasing is really confusing so correct me if im wrong
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>>136224
tried to emulate maya's fickle language from the mayamails, since the mayamail is tagged october 18 [2025] she'd turn 23 by december if she were born in '02 if we believe the
>coco is the eldest hc
to me she and maya are '03cels 'beit, while mymy is an '04 rat. so the phrasing instead suggests she'll be turning 22 by december. also i wrote coco into becoming a computer engineer so i could get away with the cocomuputers gag
tried to emulate maya's fickle language from the mayamails, since the mayamail is tagged october 18 [2025] she'd turn 23 by december if she were born in '02 if we believe the
>coco is the eldest hc
to me she and maya are '03cels 'beit, while mymy is an '04 rat. so the phrasing instead suggests she'll be turning 22 by december. also i wrote coco into becoming a computer engineer so i could get away with the cocomuputers gag
>>136235
so i did kinda guess correctly in the end, lol
>coco is the eldest hc
i get why this semifanon, since shes big and strongbut to moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear though by birthdays mymy is oldest canonically(?)
as for the pun, i really dont care. pun patrol is a reddit thing
so i did kinda guess correctly in the end, lol
>coco is the eldest hc
i get why this semifanon, since shes big and strong
as for the pun, i really dont care. pun patrol is a reddit thing
>>136240
mymy’s the youngest. they all start the schoolyear the same age and march comes after september and december in the academic year
mymy’s the youngest. they all start the schoolyear the same age and march comes after september and december in the academic year
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>>136239
i used the pilot's timeline, and since it used october 14 being a monday as the actual date of it happening—and in turn Massa retconning the chronology of the mayamails—i used it too
i used the pilot's timeline, and since it used october 14 being a monday as the actual date of it happening—and in turn Massa retconning the chronology of the mayamails—i used it too
>>136244
i don’t think any retconning is needed for the timeline. sweet 16 happens the year before the pilot, the mayamails take place in between. september 21 is on a friday in 2018 but a saturday in 2019, which would make the plot of sweet 16 impossible, and the mayamials begin on friday november 23, a date that existed in 2018 but not 2019. in the pilot the girls are in their second to last year of school (assuming they are all VWO, which i would because of massa’s comments about soei, but technically this could still work on HAVO program, it would just be their last year instead of second to last), which means they started the year as 16 and will end it as 17, with maya’s birthday having already occurred by october 14, and coco and mymy’s will later.
i don’t think any retconning is needed for the timeline. sweet 16 happens the year before the pilot, the mayamails take place in between. september 21 is on a friday in 2018 but a saturday in 2019, which would make the plot of sweet 16 impossible, and the mayamials begin on friday november 23, a date that existed in 2018 but not 2019. in the pilot the girls are in their second to last year of school (assuming they are all VWO, which i would because of massa’s comments about soei, but technically this could still work on HAVO program, it would just be their last year instead of second to last), which means they started the year as 16 and will end it as 17, with maya’s birthday having already occurred by october 14, and coco and mymy’s will later.
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>>136247
Never really looked into it that way. I guess it's not really much of a retcon if it's just Massa being inconsistent with how he presents information. If the girls are really in their second year of VWO (Vera's dossier says Maya, Mymy, and Cleo are in VWO) then it makes more sense. If the prequel logic follows since the dates don't lie, Maya's Sweet 16 taking place in 2018 and the Mayamails proceeding from November 2018 to March 2019 places Ongezellig in a more linear sense of chronology, which ought to better serve my purposes writing a continuation of it. It's also funny to think that if we follow the
>Coco is the eldest hc
it means she was born in late 2001, three months and nine days after 9/11
Never really looked into it that way. I guess it's not really much of a retcon if it's just Massa being inconsistent with how he presents information. If the girls are really in their second year of VWO (Vera's dossier says Maya, Mymy, and Cleo are in VWO) then it makes more sense. If the prequel logic follows since the dates don't lie, Maya's Sweet 16 taking place in 2018 and the Mayamails proceeding from November 2018 to March 2019 places Ongezellig in a more linear sense of chronology, which ought to better serve my purposes writing a continuation of it. It's also funny to think that if we follow the
>Coco is the eldest hc
it means she was born in late 2001, three months and nine days after 9/11
>>136272
They are in their 4th year of vwo during the events of the animation because we see in their dossier that they are in class 4a, the material from in the deels have the most authority so that should be taken as the baseline/
They are in their 4th year of vwo during the events of the animation because we see in their dossier that they are in class 4a, the material from in the deels have the most authority so that should be taken as the baseline/
>>136278
oh yeah, i totally forgot about that detail either. you know what, I STAND BY WHAT I INITIALLY SAID AND WROTE, MASSA IS A RETCONNING NIGGER
oh yeah, i totally forgot about that detail either. you know what, I STAND BY WHAT I INITIALLY SAID AND WROTE, MASSA IS A RETCONNING NIGGER
>>136278
Wouldn’t that mean coco and mymy are 15 during the pilot?
Wouldn’t that mean coco and mymy are 15 during the pilot?
>>136073
I liked this
One issue
Coco used Mayas computer just fine in the pilot, and it didn’t fly through the ceiling, so idk why it’s doing it here
I liked this
One issue
Coco used Mayas computer just fine in the pilot, and it didn’t fly through the ceiling, so idk why it’s doing it here
>>136333
I thought it would be funny that Maya saw for herself what happened to Coco's computer in deel 1 which is why she went to Maya's room in the first place. i could still insert a callback or a joke because this mayamail isn't entirely final
I thought it would be funny that Maya saw for herself what happened to Coco's computer in deel 1 which is why she went to Maya's room in the first place. i could still insert a callback or a joke because this mayamail isn't entirely final
>>136073
wait so Maya and Sjef dated but they broke up because Sjef was a deadbeat? this is so fucking geggy
wait so Maya and Sjef dated but they broke up because Sjef was a deadbeat? this is so fucking geggy
>>136073
I know that nigga saw me post which Zelig characters they would main in re 4 Mercenaries and that nigga made it canon total Evil Resident Victory
I know that nigga saw me post which Zelig characters they would main in re 4 Mercenaries and that nigga made it canon total Evil Resident Victory
>>136380
Sjef being a deadbeat is a character trait I wrote for him. His and Maya's relationship in the book is first and foremost texture but also sequelbait.
Sjef being a deadbeat is a character trait I wrote for him. His and Maya's relationship in the book is first and foremost texture but also sequelbait.
>>136389
fuck you my nigga sjef would never do that you filipino seanigger
fuck you my nigga sjef would never do that you filipino seanigger
>>136409
it's funny doebeit, also literally no one knows what he would fucking do anyway, he's a cardboard cutout like the rest of them
it's funny doebeit, also literally no one knows what he would fucking do anyway, he's a cardboard cutout like the rest of them
>>136416
You can turn Sjef into a drug addict rich kid wigger all you want but I don’t understand the point of both doing that and jamming Maya into a previous relationship with him, when you already established his relationship with Ilse. If he’s supposed to be a player I don’t see why he would have been interested in Maya.
But my main problem is Maya dropping it like it’s new information, she’s talking to her diary and if this happened there is a 100% chance she would have talked about it in a previous mayamail. When she brings it up it should be more of a reference to a past event with which the diary is already familiar than a tease for a future reveal.
You can turn Sjef into a drug addict rich kid wigger all you want but I don’t understand the point of both doing that and jamming Maya into a previous relationship with him, when you already established his relationship with Ilse. If he’s supposed to be a player I don’t see why he would have been interested in Maya.
But my main problem is Maya dropping it like it’s new information, she’s talking to her diary and if this happened there is a 100% chance she would have talked about it in a previous mayamail. When she brings it up it should be more of a reference to a past event with which the diary is already familiar than a tease for a future reveal.
>>136429
I didn’t say I don’t understand the logistics I said I don’t understand the point
I didn’t say I don’t understand the logistics I said I don’t understand the point
>>136428
Maya and Sjef do have notable roles in the book. Right now, as I've written them, Sjef and Maya's former relationship serves as texture rather than foundation in the current text, and whether I should keep that is something I'm battling with. If I make it an actual B plot to the story, it would be taking a significant amount of attention from the main narrative that is the allegation circle, and B plots in novels tend to not work out well if they don't have the adequate scaffolding to make them happen. the mayamail serves as plant for texture at the moment, but if i keep the momentum forward, if i can secure the scaffolding, it may become an actual b-plot while still serving the purposes of the vera-rens narrative. for now, i've put a rain cheque on that route. if it makes b-plot territory, that means more chapters, more words, but i feel like it would also give unnecessary bloat. it's better as worldbuilding material for now, to make maya and sjef's previous relationship as a frame of reference for them being separate individuals instead of plot devices or background noise.
Maya and Sjef do have notable roles in the book. Right now, as I've written them, Sjef and Maya's former relationship serves as texture rather than foundation in the current text, and whether I should keep that is something I'm battling with. If I make it an actual B plot to the story, it would be taking a significant amount of attention from the main narrative that is the allegation circle, and B plots in novels tend to not work out well if they don't have the adequate scaffolding to make them happen. the mayamail serves as plant for texture at the moment, but if i keep the momentum forward, if i can secure the scaffolding, it may become an actual b-plot while still serving the purposes of the vera-rens narrative. for now, i've put a rain cheque on that route. if it makes b-plot territory, that means more chapters, more words, but i feel like it would also give unnecessary bloat. it's better as worldbuilding material for now, to make maya and sjef's previous relationship as a frame of reference for them being separate individuals instead of plot devices or background noise.
>>136439
why not just focus on the vera being a pedophile story. that is the point. earlier you even said
>ironically maya would steal all the attention
and then proceeded to write her in anyway.
why not just focus on the vera being a pedophile story. that is the point. earlier you even said
>ironically maya would steal all the attention
and then proceeded to write her in anyway.
>>136443
Maybe ‘taneous decided that if people want to read an ongezellig story, the ongezellig characters still need to be present, maybe he changed his mind eventually. I think the main characters could serve a great purpose in his story, especially since ongezellig IS about the main characters after all
Maybe ‘taneous decided that if people want to read an ongezellig story, the ongezellig characters still need to be present, maybe he changed his mind eventually. I think the main characters could serve a great purpose in his story, especially since ongezellig IS about the main characters after all
>>136444
no i think ‘taneous doesn’t know what he wants to do aside from bait me personally and make me leak by shipping maya with a drug addict wigger
no i think ‘taneous doesn’t know what he wants to do aside from bait me personally and make me leak by shipping maya with a drug addict wigger
>>136446
he did, but it was very awkward and short becauze maya got tired in the first minute and sjef couldn't keep it up without thinking of rens.
he did, but it was very awkward and short becauze maya got tired in the first minute and sjef couldn't keep it up without thinking of rens.
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