Overboard

June 26th

Does this mark the first year? The second? I can't tell, I don't keep track of years. Just the date. That damn date.

Those who knew of the group suicide event all assumed the website would die right after. They were wrong. We were wrong. What actually transpired has turned out to be much worse. The real zaryans all died on June 24th, the only ones left on the site are newfags and cowards. I am one of those cowards. I couldn't do it, I couldn't pull the trigger. And being a living witness to the decline of my home is punishment for my cowardice. Like the wandering jew, I am forever cursed to watch and mourn the degradation of that which I once loved. I envy the dead.

It's a new mass of people, and I consider them people only by the most pedantic of technicalities, a new administration, a new "culture"... And the new is just a mockery of the old. A parody of the once sophisticated, turned into banal. I don't know what the afterlife is like, I just hope it blinds you to what's going on down here. For their sake.

I thought death would be tragic. Now I realize it would've been release, but I have already chosen my fate.

GUYS I AM FUCKED.
I was on my computer navigating through the site. My dad suddenly came in my room and looked at my computer. "What's that?" he said after looking at a picturre of coco on my screen. I said "Its a cartoon nothing else haha".
I thought it was the end of it until he came up to me to look at the coco picture more clearly. I panicked cuz I didn't want him see other posts which contained the word nigger in each sentence so I just switched tabs quickly. That made dad suspicious about what I was doing on my computer. He said "Hey don't close it let me see what you were doing" in Hindi. I was so fucking anxious and froze up. My dad waited a couple more seconds and saw me sweating and laughing nervously. He then came close to me and said "WERE YOU WATCHING PORN????". I was taken aback a little but I kinda defensively said no and told him its just a cartoon like nickelodean and stuff.
He didn't believe me. He snatched the mouse from my hand and clicked back on the tab. I pled with him not to scroll or click anywhere but it was too late. He randomly clicked on wojaks, goofy gemmy videos and other stuff of zoiets. I told my dad "Its enough, there is nothing bad at all chill out". He looked at me and said that why was I wasting my "golden years" on this cancer site? Before I could even answer he looked at the screen again and paused for a few moments and tried to see what was written on one random post. He turned to me again and said, "Tf is a niggercoal? and why is there a very muscular man on screen?". I said "Dad uhhh its just a meme hehe" in a little embarrased tone. BUT THEN HE ASKS ME IF I WAS GAY. WHAT???? WHY DID HE THINK SOOO??
His reasoning was I was getting off to the image of chad and that this site was a big porn site, and I was lying. I tried to defend myself by saying that you can react to posts about the show by sharing images and gifs, and this was just one of those gifs. He kinda understood but he began to scroll FURTHER. I begged him to stop but he yelled at me and said "I will beat the shit out of you if you speak a word" so I kept quiet, scared at this point.
I thought nothing worse could possibly happen now, but to my horror, dad saw the tranny getting hung image, 4 or 5 of them in a row. "Its over" I said in my mind when my dad looked at me with pure disgust and slapped me hard, my glasses went flying across the room. All I could say was "dad stop its not what you think i swear!!!". He told me that he was going to kick me out of my house the next time he saw me on this site and these images are horrible and look demonic. He also said that this site is filled with bad people who use very bad words and that I shoudn't be a part of this conversation. I silently nodded, what else could I possibly do? He walked out of my room and told me to start studying immediately.

I wanna kill myself