Markup /qa/34142

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The main thing that halts my progress is I feel this back and forth, like I have a split personality.
part of me says to go undego some treatment and just try to become a normal guy and maybe if I put on some pounds and muscle I'd stop thinking this way, the other part says I'll never be able to be a normal guy and I need to just an-hero before I get old and ugly and then I'll just magically wake up in fantasyland. Neither one is ever present in my mind enough to make a long term decision, the part that wants to be normal never leads to me going to the gym or anything since the other part is always in the back of my mind, but I haven't offed myself yet because the normal guy part of me always intervenes and tries to put me back on the path of being normal but then trying to be normal leads to me finding something that triggers me again like this image so its a never ending loop at this point where I've decided I need to work this out before I reach age 30 atleast and if I haven't I'll just ACK so the cycle finally stops.