Markup /qa/34135

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>>34132
The problem is that this stuff is sort of ingrained into me, imagine if every time you thought a thought or pictured yourself doing something you saw/heard a fucking cartoon instead of your actual self, to make things worse I dreamt one night recently of waking up with a more masculine build and chest hair and stuff and felt this weird profound sense of sadness and loss during the dream which combined with the fact I recently realized the idea of aging into a middle aged man genuinely scares me, I have basically relapsed into the headspace I was at when I was a teenager, and just seeing something that reminds me of the stuff I liked back then, triggers me back to that weird suicidal headspace I was in, I can just be using youtube and then spot some character from a artist's channel and all of a sudden im hearing the same voices in the back of my head I was when I was genuinely considering jumping off a cliff.