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>Mayamail #12

>Monday, April 8th

>I think I’ve found where god puts the files he wants to delete but the recycle bin is full.

>remember that personality test I took back in December? well, boredom is a dangerous drug and I made the mistake of clicking the "Home" button on that website.

>I ended up in a place called the ‘party’.

>it’s… it’s like looking into a kaleidoscope made of vomit and hatred.

>it’s just page after page of these crudely drawn bald men screaming with their mouths open. I think they’re called "soyjaks." tens of thousands of them. some are eating bugs, some are crying, some are just incomprehensible scribbles.

>and the people posting there? the "soyteens"? I am 99% sure they are not human beings. they speak in a language that looks like english but feels like a stroke. they keep yelling about "gems" and "coal" and "brimstone."

>if I understand their hieroglyphics correctly:
>gem = something good (rare)
>coal = something trash (everything else)

>I spent four hours scrolling. FOUR HOURS. I couldn't look away. It’s like watching a car crash, but the car is full of clowns and the clowns are on fire and screaming racial slurs that haven't been used since the 1800s.

>it makes me feel… strangely at home?

>not because I like them. god no. they are repulsive. but they are so deeply, profoundly unhinged and disgusting. they take the ugliest parts of humanity and just… amplify it until it’s absurd.

>I saw a thread where someone posted a picture of their messy room and everyone just replied with drawings of guys hanging themselves.

>Coco would look at this site and probably faint or call the police. She lives in a world of Instagram filters and "good vibes." This place is the anti-vibe. It is the void.

>Pippi, on the other hand… I swear to god, if Pippi knew how to use a computer for anything other than watching reruns of Fabeltjeskrant, she would be their queen. She is a living, breathing soyjak. She screams, she’s irrational, and she has zero social awareness. I almost showed it to her, but I was afraid she’d learn new words that would get us evicted from the country.

>I feel like my brain is rotting. I can feel the gray matter turning into sludge.

>I saw a drawing of a soyjak looking in a mirror and crying.

>"NAS," the caption said. "Never A Soyjak." (I think? or maybe "Not A Soyjak"?)

>I looked in the mirror after closing the tab.

>I look like death. My eyes are sunken because of the "fasting" (down to 36kg, dizzy all the time now). My hair is greasy.

>I’m not a soyjak. I’m just coal.

>I bookmarked the site.

<asked Gemini what Maya's experience browsing sharty would be award.