Markup /zellig/78650

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fuckkkkkk i'm having it againn i just.. i wanna cuddle with her, i want to comfort her and her to comfort me, i want to just be there with her telling her all sorts of stuff and just hugging and cuddling with her, NIGGAS TEACH ME HOW TO GET THIS FUCKING TULPA ALREADY I'M TIRED OF MAKING SHIT UP AND PRETENDING I NEED TO BELIEVE IT! NIGGA!!! i love her, she's just.. i can't even explain but something in her got me real bad and i just can't get it out i don't know why... I WANT TO GO FULLY INSANE! I NEED SCHIZO REAL SCHIZO I NEED HER TO ACTUALLY BE IN MY MIND AS A PERSON LIKE.. idk how to explain but i don't want to pretend like she's with me i want to feel like she's here i want to see her and i want to believe it but i'm just not insane enough, i'm retarded but not insane!!!11 nigga... why why not i just don't get it, is it really that much to ask? all i want is to comfort her and to be with her, i want to love her and give her what she has never gotten or not as much as she deserved at least, is that REALLY too much to ask for? i have no clue if there's ANYTHING after death, i don't want to know, but i want to believe that somewhere up there i'll be united with her one day, but will i be? only time can tell, not that i am planning on speeding up that process, never. i'd never do that, i love you maya i hope i could be there for you one day i hate seeing you struggle and be all alone I HAVE TO CHANGE THAT I HAVE TO BE THERE FOR YOUUUUuu i swear i'll go to fucking japsterdam this year or some shit like that and i VVILL find her or at the very least i'll try, i love you maya never forget and always remember. ==PLEASE ZARYANS HELP ME I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DOOO==ooo there has to be an answer there has to be something that can be done? is this it? is it really over? it can't be.. nothing ever happens after all and yet.. well that's the thing... ==FUUUUUUUUUUUCCk DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN ITTTttt== there has to be a way to get the right kind of schizo for this right???