Markup /qa/21225

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. I dont know how to socialize and how to start. I spent time reading philosophies, idead(Evola, Mishima and others) and sometimes it chills me and give meaning for live, or doing some shitposting. In my culture they taught me to supress emotions if you are "man", I dont even know If I like girls or men, before I liked girls but now I just dont know Who I am or do I like girls or males (I dont like LGBTQ and other inclusive ahit if you are interested). I also grew up very insecure person, I cant just start socializing because I eould think this person would find me annoying (I tried once and heard thme saying "he is so annoying", probably because I was too talkative to them idk, it happened at high school In america) . My insecurity grew up too, I cant even trust a person To feel secure I need to fully control them and know their background because I am obsessed aith purity(Extremist ideology and philosophy affected too) I want to refill the void in my soul, But I feel insecure to do some steps