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Markup /oc/3163
Comment
>>2866 I don't know if it's too late to make suggestions, and I know this is only one page of a two page storyboard, but I think the first five scenes should be the establishing shots of the episode, since the framing device of the series is Maya typing while giving her perspective as an unreliable narrator. The first half of this episode's source makes attempts to subvert the established structure of previous entries by obfuscating how it's being written while its events are occurring. I think it would be better to have the first five scenes be the establishing shots of the episode, ending on panel 5 but from a perspective on the other side of the table and having Coco smile at the camera. From here, the camera would whip around to the glow of the candles on Maya's face or eyes as she's implied to be sitting across from Coco. Maya's narration of the episode, with accompanying keyboard typing, would begin here. She would reflect on how she thought about throwing herself down the stairs, then imagine herself crumpled at the bottom of them from her current position at the top of the stairs, her parents and siblings around her. The scene would cut to Maya's perspective on the floor as she looks past her hunched over parents in the foreground and at Coco looking at her with a doubtful, or maybe hurt, expression. Mymy would be small in the background for comedy. Everyone but Maya would be in their pajamas, since Maya would have tried to stage this without anyone around to see it, leaving early morning or late night as the best options with the obvious hole in her plan being reflected in the contrivance of her tripping over her shoes despite hardly ever going outside. "What would Coco think if I fell down the stairs?" would play in the background as the scene softly zooms in on Coco's face with a mounting noise (the kind from the original series) before returning to a perspective of looking up at Maya still standing at the top of the stairs, having just thought of this. She would turn on a heel and speed off out of frame to go back to her room, and this would be followed by a door slam preceding a cut to a closeup of her door or Mymy or Coco poking their heads out of their doors to see what happened for comedy, followed by the cut to the closeup. As she thinks about how she would just let Coco invite her downstairs on the day of the party, the shot would zoom out to reveal half of the other doors. Coco's door, slightly ajar, would have a balloon struggle to come out before hanging outside of the door like it currently does. The next scene would be Maya's face or eyes as the glow of the computer screen is on it, the display reflected on her face, preluding the reality of the shot of Maya at the start of the episode either being what Coco hoped to see or what Maya hoped would have happened. After reflecting on the previous entry by rewriting her list, the penultimate line would be typed with the current "fast typing" scene, followed by the keyboard repositioning and enter scenes, before a cut to returning to Coco about to blow out the candles. The following whip around would reveal no one, the stairs dominating the background as they take focus. Maya would begin narrating again, this time while trying to hold back tears. This would be conveyed with slower, quieter typing under narration in a shaky voice, finishing with the teardrop falling on the desk and soft sobbing as Maya is hunched over it. There would be a blowing noise to transition to a cut to black, and a loud cheer of "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" soon after. A short silence would occur before the credits roll, out of focus pictures of what Maya imagines she would have done at the party in the background as an offkey instrumental of the outro plays. You could have the shot return to Coco's face, her smile twitching, after the second whip around and have that be where the final narration starts. That might break narrative perspective doebeit. >>3143 >>3147 I'm glad to hear you have a better translation. Will you post the storyboards for community input (really my input doebeit) once they're complete?
